I often find myself going through parenting phases. Sometimes I soar with days filled to the last rays of sunlight with games and long talks about Frozen and sometimes I struggle to find that mythical balance between being engaged and being a little checking out. As a mother without many momma friends (something I'm hard at work to rectify), I find that those battles don't get talked about as much as they should.

The last month or so has been a crash course in slow living and I'm pretty grateful for the subtle shock to our systems. I know that I probably have a new lifestyle to thank for all of the quality time Lorelai and I are spending together but I'll take the wins where I can get them these days. It's a luxury that we didn't always get back in the states but our days on the island seem to crawl by at the most leisurely pace (at least until school starts). If we feel like being adventurous, the beach is never more than a 5 minute bike ride away and there's always something new to discover. Aside from the obvious benefits of island time, I've also rediscovered what it means to really be friends with my child. We're connecting better and more deeply, having real conversations (as real as they get when you're six) with eye contact and without the brightness of devices impeding our views and we're even doing that thing my mom always talked about that made me roll my eyes at every turn... bonding. It feels like I'm finally getting back to the basics of being a parent.

We've all been there... the end of Summer parenting slump. As the pages marking the last couple weeks of the season fly off the calendar (school starts on August 24th... it's nuts!) and screen time seems ever-present, it can be genuinely difficult to power through the days leading up to the new school year. I'm challenging myself to stay connected and stay engaged. There's an old adage that goes, "the days are long but the years are short" and it couldn't be more true. I plan on sticking to the basics so that I don't miss a single moment.

Since our move has been pretty up in the air for the past couple of months we had to pull Lorelai out of school a little early this year. Don't worry, the school district signed off on her "early Kindergarten graduation" but that means she's been out of school a whole month earlier than all of the other kids in her class. Since we've had the extra time together, I've tried to become a bit more diligent with getting out together and experiencing what The South has to offer (before we're ex-pats!) so that she's not wasting the days away glued to her iPad or playing in our (fun but lacking) backyard.

A couple of weeks ago this meant we set out and went strawberry picking in the hot Alabama sun. It was so much fun! The farm we chose was open for one last day of berry picking and we were the only ones there. Lo and I spent about an hour hunched over tiny bunches of sweet strawberries and made out with a whole bushel that lasted us quite a while.

I've been trying to get better at memory making / keeping lately. This means seeking out experiences that Lo and I will remember and also documenting the time with snapshots and little video clips. I suddenly feel called to keep records for our little family and love having videos like this one to look back on:

p.s. Since a lot of you have asked, I film these clips with the 8mm app on my iPhone. It's so easy and accessible when I don't feel like lugging around my big camera. The app gives everything a sun drenched vintage look that I'm really into at the moment.

Life's just one big balancing act, isn't it? It's been talked about to death, that idea of striking the perfect balance between motherhood and career. In the past few decades we've seamlessly transitioned from the 80s 'working girl' trope (you know the type, running around the city in a pantsuit and sneakers) to the 90s stay-at-home mom, perfectly poised at the forefront of PTA meetings and now we're being sold (pretty aggressively) on the idea that we can have it all.

It seems so tempting and achievable. Why can't we have everything all at once? Of course we can be perfect mothers, perfect wives, perfect employees and bosses... all at the same time. Who needs rest? Sleep when you're dead! Just drink more coffee. But not Starbucks... that's not real coffee. Give your children all of your attention and resources, they're everything after all. Be sexy and interesting... date your husband! Have laser-focus in the office. Don't let them see you split your attention, they won't take you seriously. Don't call in sick, don't take PTO. How could you possibly miss the Kindergarten field trip? Freelance! It's so much more rewarding and you get to make your own hours. Don't forget the gym! Carve out an hour for yourself and head to hot yoga/pilates/Pure Barre/Soul Cycle... you've earned it and to be honest, your ass could be better. Higher. Tighter. TV dinners are antiquated. What do you mean you don't source your produce from a locally owned organic farm? Didn't you stop at the farmer's market this week? Are those eggs free range? Do you have a spiralizer? Don't your kids and husband love spaghetti squash? Why are you tired? Don't forget how #blessed you are!

That. Is. Bullshit.

You can't have it all. There just aren't enough hours in the day to strike the perfect work/life balance. That picture of the 'perfect' woman in your head? She's a lie. She's the culmination of a thousand different women. She's the sum of countless hours spent consuming clean living rooms designed by award winning bloggers and polished fashionistas toting the newest handbag on your Instagram feed. She's the very best of every woman in line at school drop-off (and none of her moments spent breaking down in the fabric softener aisle of Target). She's not real. She has been planted there by men looking to put you in your place (I see you Donald Trump), women who gain self esteem by tearing you down instead of building others up and corporations looking to capitalize on your insecurities.

I've spent all of my motherhood years and a long time before that trying to find balance. Trying to be perfect or the best. Trying to roar and win but stay soft and caring. You know what? There's no such thing as balance. It's unrealistic to expect to spend the rest of my life teetering between different facets of womanhood, evenly distributing my time and attention. You can't have it all either and that's perfectly okay.

So don't clean your house (every day), pop your kids in front of the TV for 20 minutes so that you can shower in peace, play hooky every now and then, go on dates with your husband when you feel like it (not the Buzzfeed mandated once a week because who says Netflix binges aren't dates?) and let it go. Let the idea that you can find balance go. When life is pulling you one direction, lean into it because it's okay to funnel focus into one thing and let the others fall by the wayside (within reason). Give yourself grace to fail, grace to be imperfect. Balance is bullshit.

photos via Spell Designs