Lately I've been feeling a little too disconnected. My thoughts have been swept up in moving, demanding projects, professional conflicts and family. I miss giving this little corner of the internet the attention it deserves and I'm staging a comeback. While I work on collecting my thoughts and developing new features, here's what I've been up to:

feeling exhausted, rewarded and in major need of coffee.
liking the peace and quiet the next few days will bring
making a eucalyptus wreath with leftovers from my hifi booth
cooking a little healthier these days... we're in wedding diet mode!
drinking the winter calls for a few extra cups of coffee
reading  starting the '100 books to read before you die' list
wanting to get back on track with the blog and homemaking
looking for any excuse to delay packing for our move
playing card games with Mr. Jackson during downtime
wasting all of the hours in the day
wishing for a few new projects
enjoying the dreamy winter fog while it lasts
waiting for my sister to arrive in Alabama

wondering how to arrange our new apartment
hoping for it to snow sometime this winter
marveling at the wonderful people who have come into my life
needing a little "me time"
smelling frankincense and lavender essential oil
wearing something comfy (and very old)
following a path that I never could have imagined
noticing all of the little things lately
knowing that my focus has been wavering recently
thinking about sleep...
bookmarking inspiring weddings to help me plan
opening the studio, finally!
giggling all day with Lorelai

photo by Sleepy Fox Photography at Billy Reid

Being a mother is an incredible gift. Trust me, there are days when I'm tempted to exchange my little present for store credit (just kidding... kind of) but the experience of nurturing a tiny soul and being someone's entire word is a feeling that just can't be duplicated. Thus far, our little family has been fortunate enough that I can continue to be at home with Lorelai. Trying to balance blogging, styling, teaching at-home preschool, meeting with clients/collaborators, fostering a loving intimate relationship with Mr. Jackson, running a (sometimes) smooth household and ultimately shaping a little person is a lot to take on. Sometimes I feel like I'm heaping all of these challenges onto my plate in order to feel/appear secure in my choice to be an at-home parent.

Yesterday I read something on Amanda's blog that just struck my heart and echoed every bit of what I have been feeling lately. Her words burrowed deep within me and made a little home, ready to remind me that motherhood is all I need, even when it seems as though there is pressure coming from all angles. Amanda says,

“Because we live in a world that rewards a fast pace, sexy, free-spirited, and independent lifestyle, the importance of being a young, wholesome mother that focuses on domesticity is sometimes overlooked, scoffed at even! Ridiculous as it is, i have been criticized, even ridiculed, for being a young mother, and a stay at home mother at that. Therefore, in my own fleshy and insecure mind as a parent it is sometimes difficult when reminding myself that simple is indeed really good. Truthfully, there are days when it is pretty hard being confident in that seemingly transparent but not culturally celebrated ideology. ”

— Amanda Watters, It's The Little Things Blog

Though it can be difficult at times, boasting the title "momma" before every other accomplishment (and in lieu of some pretty impressive sounding words like MD or lawyer), it truly is the role that I am most happy to fill. There is something especially meaningful about bringing up a little girl. I have been gifted the incredible responsibility of building her entire sense of self from the ground up. I am who she will look to for an example of how to treat her body, how to use her mind. She will follow my lead and either respect herself and cherish herself or (heaven forbid)... not.

The whole process not only shapes her, it changes me, for the better. No longer do I linger on the scale, pinching and prodding when things don't look as taut as I think they should. I try my hardest not to mutter phrases like, "I'm so dumb" or "Duh, I'm just slow," like I have so eloquently said in years past. I expect more from peers, family and relationships because one day she will face a situation and take stock in what she has seen me find acceptable. I am leading by example and I am leading myself first, intentionally, so that I am qualified to do so.

Often I am blessed to see Lo light up and tell me things like, "I'm so beautiful" and "Wow, aren't I smart?" These instances, more than the trillion things I ramble on about when people ask if I'm only a stay at home mom, are what validates my decision. For now, I find comfort knowing that I'm the only one (okay, Mr. Jackson helps too) that is showing my daughter how to be a girl... and ultimately become a woman.

How crucial were your mother/sister/grandmother/aunt/care-giver's habits in shaping you as a woman? Are you parenting a little girl? I would love a little feedback... it really does take a (great big blog reading) village!

ideal-day-wit-and-delight-flowers

Is it just me or was this Monday especially difficult to get through? I'm sorry for the lack of internet presence yesterday but I just couldn't wrap my head around being productive. Do you ever have those days?

A while back, I came across this post by Brianna of Observant Nomad and I've been keeping the idea in my back pocket for a rainy day in the blog world. I love creative thinking/writing prompts and when Braid Creative asked, "What do you want to be doing all day?", I was excited to put it all on paper... errr, computer. The worksheet includes a few questions that are fun to think about and were really telling about what's missing from your life. See my answers below:

Where are you when you wake up?

I wake up to the morning light shining through big sheer-curtained windows in the downtown walkup that I share with my little family. Waking to the sunrise is refreshing and I sit up, stretch and feel rested because I was able to sleep early the night before. Mr. Jackson stirs and Lorelai skips into our room, jumping on the crisp white bed linens. I can hear people bustling outside but the sound is soft enough to remain comforting.

Describe your morning routine:

After heading to the kitchen to steep a cup of tea, I jump back in bed with a sketchpad and some free time. I create aimlessly for an hour or two before it's really time to start the day. I do a focused and intentional sun salutation and then step out onto a balcony to smell the crisp and cool Autumn air. We kiss Daddy goodbye and Lorelai and I walk to school (which is close to our city dwelling), chatting about our plans for the weekend. After dropping her off I continue the jaunt to work.

Describe your dream wardrobe:

I dressed easily and casually, picking items from my wardrobe of neutral and practical pieces. Nothing is too overdone and nothing taunts me from the back of my closet for being too small/too big/too trendy. A collection of shoes forms a neat line in my storage space and there's a choice for every occasion. I go with comfortable sable colored sandals but make a note to bring out something higher for date night on Friday.

Describe your environments.

I spend the majority of the day in my studio, a space with white brick walls and plenty of room to work on projects and collaborate with friends. The air inside is fresh and clean because it's nice enough to keep the giant windows open while we work.

What is your day like?

My day is enjoyable but productive. I spend the morning chatting with friends (who happen to also be colleagues) about upcoming projects and dedicate a good chunk of time blogging. At lunch time I'm able to step out with a friend (one perk of being my own boss) for something light, healthy and delicious. In the afternoon I spend time tying up loose ends so that I can go home without unfinished work looming over me. At the end of the day I feel fulfilled and inspired.

What fills your evenings?

After picking Lo up from school, we meet Mr. Jackson at the farmer's market and grab seasonal produce for the evening's dinner. We walk home leisurely, taking in the scenery and the sounds of the city. The three of us make dinner together and eat al fresco. We finish up just as the sun begins to set. We tuck Lorelai in at a reasonable hour and she falls asleep easily. I feel blessed to watch her sleep soundly and soak up the joy that comes from watching her be little. Mr. Jackson and I spend the rest of the night together, phones put away, chatting about  everything and anything. It's dark and quiet and I drift to sleep satisfied that the day was not wasted.

p.s. I would love to know what your ideal looks like. Leave it in the comments or feel free to give this post a try!

image via wit + delight